


When My Best Friend is Euphemism for Husband

by charjx



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Complete, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mentioned Aziraphale (Good Omens), POV Original Character, Romance, Two Shot, eventual ineffable husbands, two lovable idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjx/pseuds/charjx
Summary: Crowley needs to get some new plants for his place. The plant seller notices that the best friend that Crowley talks about so much is probably something more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that Crowley may pour out his frustrations to a random human being and even said human being could see Crowley and his Angel are so hopelessly in love.

Eliza was a plant seller who often set up at the local traders market. She was an elderly lady of 69 years old and has earned a decent living through selling house plants for the past 20 years. Her business flourished and she had many regular customers. However, there was one who visited her on a regular basis. She only knew him by his last name - Crowley. 

 

Crowley had by chance passed by her stall around 15 years ago. She remembered him inspecting her plants very closely for any signs of wilt or holes. He had shoulder length fiery orange red hair and wore sunglasses. In the end, he bought an Arrowhead from her. The following week, he returned again to buy a Fiddle Leaf Fig. Several months had passed when Crowley returned to purchase another plant. 

 

‘Oh it’s you again. Looking for more plants for your garden?’ asked Eliza.

 

‘Yeah. Something like that,’ grunted Crowley. ‘The Fig didn’t make it.’

 

‘Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, Mr. -’

 

‘Crowley.’

 

‘Mr. Crowley,’ repeated Eliza. ‘I could share with you some tips on caring for your plants, if you like.’

 

Eliza could feel Crowley looking at her through his sunglasses as if trying to determine if she was joking. 

 

‘No need Ms. -’ said Crowley looking at her stall signage with her name on it. ‘Eliza. You have taken very good care of them. It’s the plants that don’t want to grow better. Sometimes you just need to put the fear of Sa- err… God in them.’

 

Eliza had no idea what that meant but her instinct told her she was better off not asking. 

 

Over the course of the next few years, Crowley would return regularly to purchase more plants. Sometimes it was within the span of weeks, other times would be a gap of more than half a year. Besides that one incident, Crowley seemed to be quite a nice man. He was polite, never haggled for price and got along with Eliza. She enjoyed chatting with Crowley to the extent of him getting to know about her life and family. 

 

Conversely, Eliza got to know a little about Crowley’s life. He seemed to be a very private person. She didn’t even know what he worked as. She only knew a few things about Crowley - he likes plants ( _ obviously _ ), he treasures his Bentley, and he seems to be in love with his best friend. 

 

One day, Crowley stopped by Eliza’s stall. ‘Oh hi Crowley, back so soon?’ He had only bought Maidenhair Fern a few days back. 

 

‘Oh...I’m not here to buy anything. I just happen to be in the neighbourhood.’

 

‘That’s all right. I’d imagine you have quite a sizable garden by now.’ Crowley had a non committable shrug. 

 

‘How’s Jennifer?’ he asked about Eliza’s daughter. 

 

‘She’s doing well. Few more months and then she finishes her Masters thesis,’ beamed Eliza. ‘How’s things with...Angel?’ she asked. Crowley had only ever referred his best friend to her as “Angel”. She knew Angel was a he based on the pronoun Crowley referred. She also knew Angel was supposed to be his enemy but they ended up being best friends. From what she could gather, Crowley was very much affected by what Angel did or said. 

 

‘You know he once accused me of  _ fraternizing _ with others. I sure as hell could fraternize with anyone I like. I don’t care about what he thinks,’ said Crowley to Eliza retelling his days with Angel. 

 

‘Yes but you obviously do care. Otherwise you wouldn’t feel hurt by his words. You did say that you and him knew each other for  _ years _ , since the beginning of time as you put it.’

 

‘Yeah Yeah Eliza, I know. And then there was this one time where that idiot got himself into trouble with some bad people, like Nazi bad people. I had risked myself to enter...dangerous grounds to save his life.’

 

‘That’s very noble of you.’

 

Crowley hissed. ‘I’m not  _ noble _ . I never was, never have, never will. I couldn’t lose my best friend.’

 

‘And you saved him. Despite everything.’

 

‘Yeah and he seemed more concerned about his books than me.’

 

‘I’m sure that’s not true.’

 

Crowley paused. ‘No. He seemed happy that I survived and that I had saved him, and his books.’

‘And how did that make you feel?’

 

Crowley paused again. ‘Appreciated? Satisfaction? Glad? Relief? Happy? ’

 

‘You forgot Love,’ Eliza smirked at him. 

 

‘Oh  _ Shut uppp _ ,’ said Crowley. Eliza laughed as she felt Crowley rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. ‘How much for the fern?’

 

This went on for the next few years. As Crowley, who never seemed to age, gradually changed his style with times, he would tell Eliza all about Angel. How he was so infuriatingly “good”, his love for magic tricks, how bad he was at magic tricks, the type of books he likes, the food they tasted, the lunches they had. 

 

At times, quite often actually, Crowley would just drop by Eliza’s stall to tell her about what happened between him and Angel. Sometimes it was something small Angel did for Crowley, like buy him his favourite wine which Crowley could talk about for hours. Other times it was Angel’s reluctance at accepting things for fear of how his family would perceive him which bothered Crowley to no end. Everytime Eliza tried to point out to Crowley that there was indeed something more than best friends between him and Angel, Crowley would immediately divert the topic, most of the time ending up buying a plant and hurriedly walk away. 

 

In their most recent chats, Crowley told Eliza how they had been working together to avert an “impending apocalyptic” situation. Eliza had presumed it was a hyperbole but it seemed to matter a lot to Crowley so she never questioned him. Their situation had gone awry and both Angel and Crowley himself were in trouble so Crowley proposed to Angel that they can both run away together. Angel got upset with Crowley and refused to listen.

 

‘Can you believe he said “ _ I don’t even like you _ ”?? Angel is an idiot to no end,’ fretted Crowley.

 

Eliza raised her eyebrows. ‘So what was your response to that?’

 

‘To what? Him being the stubborn idiot that he’s always been?’

 

‘What did you say after Angel said I don’t even like you?’

 

‘I said “ _ You doooo. _ ”’

 

‘And why did you think you said that?’

 

‘He’s...my best friend. Off course he has to like me if I’m his friend,’ said Crowley indignantly.

 

Eliza sighed. ‘Okay and why are you so frustrated, sad and hurt that your “best friend” declined to run off together with you?”

 

‘Because…because...I just want him to be safe. After all those shitty things his family did to him, I just...I just wanted him to choose our side for once. To choose me,’ Crowley exhaled at saying those words.

 

Eliza gave him a small smile. ‘Took you long enough to admit it.’

 

‘How did you know?’

 

Eliza laughed. ‘Crowley, you’re one of my longest customers and till this day I don’t even know what do you work as.  _ But _ I do know all about Angel’s quirks, hobbies and the number of times he smiled at you. You constantly refer to him as “My Best Friend” but I think we know he’s far more than that. You wanted to run away with him for heaven’s sake!’

 

Crowley shivered at the word heaven. ‘Bad choice of word there Eliza but I think I know what you mean. There can never be anything more than Best Friends. Angel would never allow that and I can’t let himself hope.’

 

‘You can do as you like Crowley. Your actions are of your own but if you really feel something for Angel, you should tell him. From what I can tell, Angel is just scared of defying his family. Perhaps he just needs to be reminded that sometimes there is something, or someone, worth fighting for.’

 

‘But -’

 

Eliza huffed. ‘No buts Crowley. As your long term plant supplier, just take my advice. Both of you are being idiots who apparently cannot see what’s in front of you. You’re both very much in love with one another but unwilling to admit it. You two argue like an old married couple as it is. You both would go to the ends of the earth and jump into danger without hesitation to save one another. Let’s face it, the term “My Best Friend” here is just a euphemism for Husband,’ she said smirking. It felt good to finally tell that to Crowley. As interesting as it was listening to him talk about Angel, it had frustrated Eliza for far too long that they continued their secret pining dalliance. 

 

Crowley swallowed. No mortal had ever told him off like that. He considered what Eliza had said. ‘I don’t know if I can. What if he says no? I can’t lose him.’

 

‘At least promise me that you will think about it? Angel wouldn’t know how you feel about him unless you tell him.’

 

Crowley nodded. ‘I will. Thanks Eliza.’ and he walked away from the stall. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that the world would probably end in less than a day and he may never get to tell his Angel how he truly felt.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Okay Okay, so since some of you were asking what happens to Eliza post apocalypse and if she’ll ever see Aziraphale, it got me thinking as well. What was from a random one shot idea has now turned into a two parter. I’ve added a bit of backstory to Eliza as well and I hope you enjoy reading part 2 with our lovable dumb demon finally taking action.

Over the past day before the end of the world, unbeknownst to Eliza who went about her business as usual. Something did bug her though, strange times were happening indeed, today she read the Lost Island of Atlantis was rediscovered. _ What next? UFOs? _

 

Still she could not get it out of her head, and off course Crowley’s and his Angel’s “impending apocalyptic” situation. Somehow on an instinctual level, she knew that it was all connected. She immediately decided to pack up early and call up her daughter, Jennifer for an early dinner. 

 

She headed to their usual diner where Jennifer and her girlfriend Nina were waving at her. 

 

‘Mom! So good to see you,’ said Jennifer brightly hugging Eliza. Eliza practically bear hugged Jennifer and Nina. This was only the third time meeting Nina but Eliza knew all about the girl. Jennifer had been gushing about her for almost two years before Eliza pushed her daughter to ask Nina out. 

 

Eliza remembered that conversation. Jennifer flopped onto her bed, she had always been an easy read for Eliza as they always shared everything with one another. Her husband, Jennifer’s father, had passed away when she was a toddler, so they were each other’s anchor. 

 

‘I don’t even know if Nina likes me,’ said Jennifer lying upside down on her bed facing Eliza. 

 

‘Trust me. Based on what you’ve told me about her. She does,’ said Eliza simply.

 

‘She might not accept me. Even I’ve just begun to realize that I like girls. What if this changes? I can’t lose her. I can’t.’

 

‘She has always accepted you the way you are dear. She just needs to know what you feel about her. I’ve had this long time customer who’s been pining over his “Angel” boyfriend for  _ years _ and he still hasn’t told him how he feels,’ Eliza sighed. 

 

‘What happened to him Mom?’

 

‘Well...he’s still pining for “My Best Friend”,’ groaned Eliza using air quotes for emphasis. 

 

‘Oh. My. God. And how long did you say you know him Mom?’

 

‘More than 10 years at least?’

 

‘Wow. I cannot keep feeling like that for 10 years Mom -’

 

‘Actually he’s been pining over the other guy for more than 10 years. Since the beginning of time as he puts it,’ pointed out Eliza.

 

‘I can’t even,’ said Jennifer. ‘No, I can’t live like this. I...I have to tell Nina.’

 

‘Then  _ tell _ her! Go! Shoo!’ said Eliza pushing Jennifer off the bed. 

 

Jennifer laughed and got off the bed. ‘Okay Okay I’m going Mom.’

 

When they were having dinner, news reports came in of a massive hell-like fire spreading across the M40 highway. 

 

Jennifer and Nina were understandably horrified as they watched rescue teams trying to pull people out of the fire. Eliza could only think about Crowley’s “impending apocalyptic” situation. She held Jennifer’s hand as they continued watching the news. She hoped wherever Crowley and Angel are, they are all right. 

 

***

Two days later and the world was still standing, there was no apocalypse, no end of the world. Life continued on as usual. Eliza was at her stall. She had not seen Crowley since their last conversation. She knew it was irrational of her to think that the world had almost ended but somehow Crowley and Angel had a hand in saving the world. However, in her hearts of hearts she chose to believe it. 

 

To Eliza’s delight, she saw a familiar figure in sunglasses sauntering towards her. ‘Good morning Eliza,’ greeted Crowley.

 

Eliza could not help but grin back. ‘Good morning Crowley. You’re back.’

 

‘Off course I am. Where else would I buy my plants from?’

 

‘I just thought that after your “impending apocalyptic” situation, I may never see you again,’ said Eliza feeling relief. ‘I presume everything turned out for the best? Angel is okay too?’

 

‘Yeah Yeah. Everything is fine now. We’re both okay too.’ 

 

Eliza detected a hint of grumpiness from Crowley. ‘What’s bothering you still? Spill.’

 

Crowley pursed his lips. ‘I can never seem to quite get anything pass you.’ He sat comfortably in the chair next to Eliza and sighed.

 

Eliza raised her eyebrow. ‘Is this about Angel again?’ Crowley nodded.

 

‘I almost lost him you know. I thought he...died. In all of my existence, I have never felt anguish like that. I remember running into that burning bookshop screaming his name until my throat was hoarse. And when he wasn’t there I thought someone killed my best friend,’ Crowley swallowed hard and looked at Eliza. ‘I don’t ever want to feel that way ever.’

 

Eliza reached out to hold Crowley’s hand. ‘I’m  _ so _ sorry you had to go through that. I cannot imagine the horror you must have felt. What happened next?’

 

‘Everything happened so quickly. The world was ending. I lost my best friend. Angel turned out to be alive. We saved the world. Angel’s family was after him. Hell, my own family was after me...for what we had done.’ Eliza mustered as much calmness as she could to continue listening. The horrors those two must have endured. 

 

‘Thankfully, we managed to outwit them and now we’re left alone, for now.’

 

‘That’s a good thing right?’

 

‘Yeah, it is.’

 

‘So...I’m guessing in all that drama, you didn’t actually manage to tell Angel how you really feel about him and now that things are more a less settled once more, you lack the courage to tell him,’ said Eliza pursing her lips. Crowley stayed silent. 

 

‘Oh come on! You just said you couldn’t feel that kind of pain ever when you thought you lost your * _ ahem _ * “Best Friend”. You and him have been through thick and thin together. It was practically both of you against the world, against both your families, against all the odds thrown at you and you’re both still together! I’m not asking you to have a little faith, I’m asking you to  _ believe _ in Angel. To  _ believe _ that he can determine his own destiny and that he would  _ choose _ you too.’

 

Once again, Crowley contemplated Eliza’s words carefully. Then, he stood up and started to walk. Eliza called after him. ‘So have you decided?’ Crowley nodded. 

 

‘So when can I get to see Angel?’

 

Crowley paused and said ‘Tonight. MacLaren’s Pub. 8 p.m.’ and ran off. 

 

Eliza blinked and said to herself grinning. ‘8 p.m. it is.’

 

***

 

Eliza strode into MacLaren’s Pub at 7.45 p.m. She wore her best casual top with jeans. She even broke out her new pair of heels that she bought the other day. She let her grey streaked hair down when she had always tied it up in a bun while working. She did not have Crowley’s number so she would have to wait by the bar. 

 

MacLaren’s pub was usually not crowded and was a good place for chats and drinks. They even had a stage for patrons to sing or do stand up. Everyone else seemed to be deep in conversation with one another. Crowley was not around so Eliza ordered a pint of beer and waited. 

 

Ten minutes later, a man in a white coat walked towards the bar counter and ordered two glasses of wine. He stood out in the crowd with his pristine 19th century-like white outfit. Even his hair was curly and white. He held the two glasses of wine as if waiting for someone. He saw Eliza next to him who was the only other person not talking to someone else. 

 

‘First time here?’ the man in white enquired.

 

‘Yeah. I know of this place but never had the occasion of coming here,’ said Eliza. 

 

‘Oh but you should. My best friend and I come here often. It is a delightful place to eat and drink. Interestingly their oysters are just delightful,’ he said. 

 

_ Wait a minute...dresses in white...orders Crowley’s favourite wine and likes oysters? _ ‘Are you a friend of Crowley’s by any chance?’ Eliza asked.

 

‘Ohhh! You know Crowley! I didn’t know he was inviting more friends over.’

 

‘Yeah I just got an invite today, 8 p.m. I’m Eliza by the way,’ said Eliza shaking his hand.

 

‘Oh! Oh! Crowley’s plant seller Eliza?’ asked the man excitedly.

 

Eliza was surprised. She did not think Crowley would mention her to him. 

 

‘Forgive me. I forgot my manners. I’m Aziraphale,’ he smiled.

 

_ Aziraphale. It is an angelic name indeed. _ Eliza would have to get used to referring to him by his name instead of Angel. 

 

‘Ahhh....Crowley’s best friend right? Yes, he talks about you all the time,’ said Eliza trying to hide her excitement. She was meeting Angel,  _ sorry _ Aziraphale, for the first time. 

 

‘Oh he did?’ said Aziraphale surprised. ‘I never knew Crowley talked about me to other people. You and him must really get along.’

 

‘Yeah I suppose so. I listen to his stories all the time.’

 

The pub’s host came out. ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a special performance tonight from one of my regulars. The performance is dedicated to his Angel. You’re more than my best friend and this song is for you.’

 

Aziraphale turned to Eliza looking puzzled while Eliza smiled back at him. If this is going where she thinks is going, she definitely should stick around. 

 

Crowley in his skinny black suit, tight leather pants and sunglasses stepped onto the stage. His eyes caught Eliza’s and she gave him a discreet two thumbs up. Crowley nodded and held the mic. 

 

Piano music started to play and to Aziraphale’s shock - Crowley started to sing. 

 

_ It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside _

_ I'm not one of those who can easily hide, I _

_ Don't have much money but boy, if I did _

_ I'd buy a big house where we both could live.  _

 

He started off shaky at first but Eliza kept nodding encouragingly in his direction and his nerves fell away. 

 

Crowley was surprisingly a really good singer. Few could match Sir Elton John’s vocals but he crooned a hauntingly beautiful rendition of Your Song. 

 

Aziraphale watched Crowley intently, a smile forming on his face. Without turning his eyes away from Crowley, he leaned into Eliza and said ‘You know this is one of my favourite songs. We once watched Sir Elton perform live and I couldn’t stop humming the tune for weeks. I’ve never seen him sing in front of an audience before. I mean I know he can sing. I’ve heard him sing a few verses from Queen when he thinks nobody is looking. Do you know why Crowley is doing this?’

 

Eliza just smiled broadly at Aziraphale.  _ No kidding, his Angel is an idiot. _ Instead she simply said ‘I think you know why.’

 

Aziraphale blinked and stared at Crowley while connecting the dots. 

 

_ So excuse me forgetting _

_ But these things, I do _

_ You see, I've forgotten _

_ If they're green or they're blue _

_ Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean _

_ Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen _

 

By this stage, everyone in the pub had stopped talking and listened to Crowley sing. 

 

Crowley gave it his all and belted out the climax while looking at Aziraphale.

 

_ And you can tell everybody this is your songgg _

_ It may be quite simple but _

_ Now that it's doneee _

_ I hope you don't mind _

_ I hope you don't mind _

_ That I put down in woords _

_ How wonderful life is while you're in the worldd _

_ I hope you don't mind _

_ I hope you don't minddddddd _

_ That I put down in wooords _

_ How wonderful life is while you're in the worldddd _

 

Eliza saw Aziraphale looking at Crowley. Tears built up in his eyes as he felt every emotion conveyed through the song.  _ Those are some serious heart eyes.  _

 

Everyone in the pub gave a thunderous applause and Aziraphale clapped the loudest. Crowley did not really care about everyone's praises. He made a beeline straight to Aziraphale. 

 

Aziraphale beamed with pride. ‘You were so amazing up there.’

 

‘I did it for you. I err…,’ Crowley swallowed and started to falter. He seemed to panic at this point.

 

Eliza, who was behind Aziraphale, caught Crowley’s eye and mouthed silently ‘Tell him!’

 

‘I err...well...since the apocalypse has been averted and all that...and...and we’re free to make our own choices from now on yes? I just wanted...to...to tell you...that I…’

 

‘Have feelings for me?’ Aziraphale finished. 

 

Crowley blinked at his Angel and nodded. ‘Yes Angel. _ Hell _ Yes. For  _ Heaven’s _ sake Yes. I don’t know when exactly but I’ve been in love with you for the longest time. I thought I’d never get to say this to you but now the world is saved and we have a fresh start, I would regret it for the rest of my existence if I didn’t say something.’

 

Crowley was about to continue his speech but Aziraphale interjected ‘Shut up and kiss me.’ The Angel pulled Crowley in for deep and passionate kiss. 

 

Everyone who was watching the exchange cheered and clapped while the pub’s host gestured to play Your Song on repeat. Eliza did a lowkey  _ Yes Victory! _ motion. They looked perfect for each other. One a black clad rebellious scoundrel who deep down possesses the heart of gold while the other a kind white knight who has a tendency to break the rules every once in a while. A Yin and Yang, one cannot exist without the other. 

 

When they pulled apart, Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other and then at Eliza. She could only grin from ear to ear. ‘Finallyyyyyyy!’ 

 

‘Thank you Eliza,’ said Crowley. 

 

‘No Thanks needed. I’m glad you two are together at long last,’ she said while making a move out the pub. ‘Oh and I expect to see you and Aziraphale at my stall from now on. Deal?’

 

‘Deal.’


End file.
